His Ninja Way
by Durgas Dragon
Summary: Iruka after he loses his ninja way. Death
1. Chapter 1

His Ninja Way

**His Ninja Way**

_**Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's **_**Naruto**_** and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece**_

_**Summary: Iruka after he loses his ninja way. Death**_

_**Author's Note: I read chapter 9 of Aidannwn's **_**Iruka's Obsession **_**and then this appeared. I couldn't get it out of my head, so now you get to be subjected to it. Also is probably riddled with mistakes as I am my own editor. Possible out-of-characterness, ANGST, death, angst, swearing, and more angst**_

_**Constructive Criticism is always welcomed**_

_**Published: 10 March 2008**_

_**Rating: T**_

**When Kakashi said that Iruka was just some low-ranking ninja and implied that he was weak, Iruka was hurt. He tried not to let it show; wouldn't that just cement Kakashi's belief of him? Anyhow, he reasoned, this was the Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi; surely most ninjas had to seem weak to him from his level of skill.**

**When Kakashi told Iruka that he was a decent enough replacement fuck but that he didn't need the chunin around any more, Iruka was beyond being hurt. He said nothing and left almost immediately afterwards.**

**Iruka holed himself in his tiny little apartment for two days, an emotional wreck. He cared for Kakashi a lot—he knew he was close to being in love with the jounin—and it had given him more strength to go forwards and defend his ninja way. To be told that he was just a cheap fuck that couldn't even pull his own weight crushed him.**

**He had felt so good, so special when Kakashi had approached him. He was a no-name chunin with no special moves or flashy skills and when Kakashi had shown that iota of interest in him, he had thought that perhaps he wasn't such an invisible face, after all.**

**Iruka wouldn't say that he hadn't admired Kakashi from a distance before, but always saw Kakashi something like a beautiful mansion or a tropical island; you see pictures of them and hear stories, and you dream of owning one, but know that the picture and the story is the closest you'll ever get to it.**

**Now, he had basked in the sun, seen the beauty that could be offered, only to have it ripped from his fingers, never to have again. It was almost worse now because he knew what Kakashi was like and at least before he hadn't known.**

**Iruka finally left his apartment for work, smiles carefully in place to hide how badly he was hurting. He would not let anyone know how used and how worthless he felt. This was a private pain, one he was going to keep close to the shards of his heart and pride. No-one else would know how deeply Kakashi's careless and callus words had cut.**

**Still, the difference was there. His students complained that their Iruka-sensei was no fun any more and never reminded them to find their own way of the ninja to live by.**** They also felt that he was working them harder than ever. The other Mission Room workers wondered why Iruka was suddenly always willing to be in the dim and dusty back room, doing the arduous and unpleasant job of sorting and filing reports, especially since he had been such a people's person before, but since it meant that they didn't have to do it, none of them looked too deeply into it. Teuchi would plop more ramen into Iruka's bowl because he didn't stop in very often any more and he thought that the chunin had picked up a pained look around his eyes. Tsunade denied Iruka the extra missions he kept signing up for because she felt he really gone over the edge with his obsession with work. Kotetsu and Izumo both thought Iruka's new training regime was insane. On top of his increased work schedule, they thought he was suicidal.**

**Iruka would only smile and assure people he was fine, even though he wasn't. All he could hear in his head was the echoing statements of him being weak and a 'decent' replacement fuck. If he worked himself into enough exhaustion, the words didn't matter as much any more.**** Exhaustion hid how empty he had become and how little purpose his life had.**

**Iruka didn't know where he would have ended up if one of his students—angry at being flunked yet again—decided that if he couldn't graduate, **_**no-one**_** would. He riddled the classroom with explosive tags and planned to set them off with a blast of chakra.**

**Iruka had gotten lucky and managed to get most of the children out of the classroom before the tags went off but two of them were still in the room. In the three seconds Iruka had, he knew he didn't have the chakra to transport them out and he didn't have anything he could substitute them with, so he did the only thing that could possibly let the escape with their lives.**

**For the second time in his life, Iruka used himself as a human shield.**

**He didn't know much that happened after the explosion, but he heard the children under him crying, which meant they were alive. It meant that he had saved his entire class.**

**For the first time in months, Iruka was at peace. He felt no pain and he felt no shame. He had refound his way; he had protected the future generations of Konoha and nobody could tell him that ****it was a weak or worthless path. He thought he might be smiling, but he didn't know how much of his face was even left for him to smile with.**

**He had lived by his ninja way.**

**It was a good way to die by.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Naruto was so excited he could barely contain himself. He bounced along Ero-Sennin, having troubles not just racing ahead. It'd be the first time in months—almost a **_**year**_**—that he'd seen Konoha and couldn't wait.**

**It was going to be **_**great**_**. Nobody knew they were coming so it was going to be a **_**huge**_** surprise when he walked in. Iruka-sensei's face would be **_**priceless**_** when Naruto interrupted his break. Then he'd smile and hug Naruto. Naruto would pretend to hate it when he ruffled his hair, and then they would go gorge themselves on ramen and swap stories late into the night.**

**Iruka-sensei would be **_**so**_** surprised!**

**The guards stared at them as they approached the gate and Naruto got his first stirring of unease when neither face broke out into smiles; in fact, their faces went from shocked to grim and stoic with a hint of sadness.**

**As they were being checked so they could be cleared to enter the village, Genma-san told them that the Hokage was going to want to see them immediately, before they went **_**anywhere**_** else. Naruto's sense of unease grew when Aoba-san said "You'll find her at the hospital."**

**Genma added "I'm real sorry, kid."**

**Neither would say anything more.**

**A heaviness hung over the village. Death lingered in the closed-mouth fear that permeated the air. Naruto almost had to be physically restrained by Jiraiya-sensei not to just bolt to the hospital, the atmosphere making him even more nervous and worried.**

**Tsunade-obaasan looked tired and her face changed when she saw Naruto. He didn't know what emotion was on her face, but it made cold finger climb down his spine.**

**She said nothing until she had him sitting in an empty room with Jiraiya-sensei posted outside the door.**

**She finally took a deep breath after a moment of silence. "There was…an attack on the Academy today."**

**Fear instantly seized Naruto. "Is Iruka-sensei okay?"**

**His fear began to morph into terror when she didn't instantly answer him. "Umino Iruka was at the centre of the blast," she said, trying to be gentle.**

**"But you'll be able to heal him, right?" Naruto begged. "You'll fix him so he'll be fine, right?"**

**Tsunade-obaasan looked pained. "I won't be able to heal him. I'm so sorry." She tried to let the boy know the truth in the gentlest way she could think of. Her heart broke at Naruto's face.**

**"But you have to!" A slightly hysterical edge was growing in his voice. "You're the best there is! If you don't, who will?! You have to fix Iruka-sensei! You have to!"**

**"If there was enough of him in one spot, I might have had a chance!" She snapped, the stress of the day taking over. "Damn it, brat, we had to identify his body from his DNA because he was such a mess! It would have taken an act of god to heal him!"**

**Big blue eyes stared at her.**

**Slowly, slowly, she could see it sinking in.**

**Naruto shut his eyes.**

**Iruka-sensei was gone.**

**He didn't push Tsunade-obaasan away when she awkwardly hugged him as the tears started. His Iruka-sensei—the first person who acknowledged him, believed in him, cared about him—was gone. His Iruka-sensei was gone and nothing could bring him back.**

**He could hear the Hoakge trying to sooth him and telling him that Iruka-sensei had died a hero's death. The children he had been protection were in the hospital but they would live because Iruka had been strong enough and brave enough to save them.**

**He began to sob in earnest when she told him that they were putting Iruka's name on the Memorial Stone. Kakashi had said that the names of people who were on the stone weren't normal heros; they were more than that.**

**Even knowing that Iruka had lived by his ninja way didn't help Naruto; all it did was serve to remind him that yet another one of his people had left his life and there had been nothing he could have done to stop him.**

**Who was he suppose to protect if all his precious people kept leaving him?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Kakashi looked at the new name on the Memory Stone and felt a hint of frown tickle his mouth.**

**It didn't seem fair; Kakashi was out in the field almost all the time and yet…and yet chunins who almost never left the village—like Umino Iruka—made it on to the Stone before him. It also seemed almost unreal—the Chunin with the cushy jobs and who taught his students stupid things like mercy—died before Kakashi did.**

**Maybe he had ended up there because he was always so willing—willing to smile, willing to give up his body, willing to offer his heart, willing to be something special, and now—willing to die so someone else could live.**

**That had to be it—the Chunin was too willing. Too willing to give to both the worthy and the unworthy. And look it where it got him.**

**Kakashi almost touched the name, but he pulled his fingers back just in time. He wouldn't sink to such pathetic displays of weakness.**

**He didn't like the sniffles from people like Sakura who kept saying that the Chunin had told her that he wanted to protect his village and by teaching and by defending his students, he was doing that. It was his way and he would live by it. She'd end in a fresh round of tears after she said that, every time.**

**Naruto either was bawling or looking numb. He apparently had come to the village to surprise the overprotective Chunin and instead, got told he'd be in time for the closed casket funeral. The emotions that were pouring off of the boy were frankly disturbing and very un-ninja like—probably that Chunin's fault.**

**The funeral was going to be huge—apparently, the Chunin had taught over half of the village or the village's children and knew the other half from his work at the Mission Desk. They were planning for an event that would rival the previous Hokage's funeral.**

**A chunin should not have that kind of recognition. The mere thought of having to go to the event left a sour taste in Kakashi's mouth and a hole in his sternum. He shouldn't have to go. He shouldn't have it rubbed in his face that way.**

**It wasn't right that he was the one left behind—yet again—and not the Chunin.**

**Why did this keep happening to him? He had done everything to push that Chunin away and to force him into a safer place. And look it where it had taken him—the Chunin still got his name on the stone before Kakashi did.**

**The Chunin still left and the hole between his third and fourth costal notch now would never heal, just like his eye and his hand and his stomach.**

**Kakashi was turning into a sieve and he couldn't stop it.**

**Angry at the name for reminding him again of what was happening, he felt the energy start to curl around his hand, bringing the lighting bird to life. If he put his hand through the stone—right where that Chunin's name was mocking him—he could perhaps erase it. Erase the words, destroy the nindo. Maybe then he could finally be at peace.**

**Perhaps then he could fix the hole that he had been carrying around for too long.**

**There was a new name on the stone, but it only carried more regret. Kakashi knew that he had lost his chance—long before the Chunin had so selflessly gave up his life—to be a part of Iruka's ninja way.**

_**x Fin x**_


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